Crunchy Mustard

Smirinoff has picked up on the latest trend in underage drinking (throw your favorite clear liquor into a Poland Spring bottle!). Say what?

Smirnoff Source™, the new premium malt beverage offering from Diageo North America that combines pure spring water with alcohol is now on beer retailers’ shelves and high-end bars throughout the Northeast. At 3.5 percent alcohol by volume (ABV), this new premium malt beverage, with a hint of citrus, has fewer calories and lower alcohol by volume than most popular domestic beers.

EXCELLENT!

Take one part useless expensive glass water bottle design, 10 parts tap water (thrown in a “spring water purifier”), and 1/3 part cheap grain alcohol and you get Lindsay Lohan’s new drink of choice.

Here’s a first-hand experience with the drink from Jezebel:

Unfortunately the packaging left something to be desired; glass and sized for man-hands, most of the free promotional bottles were found shattered on the dance floor by the end of the night. (I hope Diageo has good insurance!) Another slight problem was that one of my more-drunk friends mistook the Source bottle for water (How could she? I mean it even says “SPRING WATER: with a touch of alcohol” in small print…) and then proceeded to vomit. A lot. (”It tastes just like water, only the WHOLE TIME IT’S DEHYDRATING YOU,” she mused later.) For more veteran drunks such as myself, however, I think Smirnoff Source may even serve as a hangover helper due to its spring water content; I awoke the following afternon curiously merely groggy-ish (I had, admittedly, consumed a thousand or so calories worth of fries). But I’m not here to state scientific fact, I’m here to state my opinion. Which is: I would drink the Sauce, er, “Source” again, gladly, after a dozen or so real drinks. - CHERYL CAMPBELL

And, if you didn’t know, the origins of the word “Vodka”are from the Russian phrase of “little water.”

Source: Diageo Press Release