Crunchy Mustard

Yea. I didn’t think so.

1. “Mom… Fluffy’s missing.”
2. “Mr. Cho, take your gloves off when you go to the bathroom!”
3. “Dad… I’ve got a piece of cardboard stuck in my teeth.”
4. Pig’s Ear Salad $5.99 (extra ear - $1.00)
5. Five flavor “chicken.”
   
6. Chinese-style fondue:
   
7. Oh… and this:
   

DON’T FORGET! Keep your fantastic figure AND your love of Chinese food.

Thank you Rahoi!

I received an unusual piece of spam mail today. Apparently, it is in fact possible to can an entire fully cooked chicken. Now you know.

I received this gem from The MRE Depot. Their front page displays a plea to prepare for disasters… such as earthquakes and pandemic flus. Excellent.

MRE is an acronym for “meals ready to eat” and they’re mostly used in the military. I’ve actually had one before with a “camping-lover” friend of mine. My personal favorite is the Beef Roast with Vegetables! It’s simple: Pop out the heater then activate it with a bit of water. There are even MRE condiments like Tabasco sauce.

Also, the meals good for 5-10 years after they’re manufactured by the leading US military food provider - Ameriqual Foods.

Now, onto la pièce de résistance! Butterfield Farm Whole Chicken in Water. Yummmmy! MRE Depot insists: “Excellent for Soups, Salads and Sandwiches. Quick and easy way to keep chicken on hand for your favorite recipes.”

This is a deal you can’t pass up:

Brand New in the US!!
Sold by the Can or by the case of 6 cans, 51 oz per can
Your Cost; $38.21 per case*
*With 15% Discount Coupon Below, Limited Time Offer
Regularly $42.95

If only they made Canned Whole Turkeys… I’d be set for Thanksgiving!

Smirinoff has picked up on the latest trend in underage drinking (throw your favorite clear liquor into a Poland Spring bottle!). Say what?

Smirnoff Source™, the new premium malt beverage offering from Diageo North America that combines pure spring water with alcohol is now on beer retailers’ shelves and high-end bars throughout the Northeast. At 3.5 percent alcohol by volume (ABV), this new premium malt beverage, with a hint of citrus, has fewer calories and lower alcohol by volume than most popular domestic beers.

EXCELLENT!

Take one part useless expensive glass water bottle design, 10 parts tap water (thrown in a “spring water purifier”), and 1/3 part cheap grain alcohol and you get Lindsay Lohan’s new drink of choice.

Here’s a first-hand experience with the drink from Jezebel:

Unfortunately the packaging left something to be desired; glass and sized for man-hands, most of the free promotional bottles were found shattered on the dance floor by the end of the night. (I hope Diageo has good insurance!) Another slight problem was that one of my more-drunk friends mistook the Source bottle for water (How could she? I mean it even says “SPRING WATER: with a touch of alcohol” in small print…) and then proceeded to vomit. A lot. (”It tastes just like water, only the WHOLE TIME IT’S DEHYDRATING YOU,” she mused later.) For more veteran drunks such as myself, however, I think Smirnoff Source may even serve as a hangover helper due to its spring water content; I awoke the following afternon curiously merely groggy-ish (I had, admittedly, consumed a thousand or so calories worth of fries). But I’m not here to state scientific fact, I’m here to state my opinion. Which is: I would drink the Sauce, er, “Source” again, gladly, after a dozen or so real drinks. - CHERYL CAMPBELL

And, if you didn’t know, the origins of the word “Vodka”are from the Russian phrase of “little water.”

Source: Diageo Press Release

So, as you can all see the Crunchy Mustard crew is back after a nice long weekend of graduation partying and general mayhem. Now it’s time to get back to work! (Or not.)

Here are a few dilemmas I’m currently facing. Perhaps you can help me with them.

• Should I buy this leotard in “Sage” or “Blue Mist?”
• Should I buy an iPhone, or should I decide to not be a tool?
• And finally, is two week old bologna still OK to eat? (When I typed in “two week old bologna” into Google, this is what came up. A two week old baby made of bologna?!)
• Should I buy a mini-fridge with a separate freezer or not? (Remember: college life begs for frozen food.)

My sincere thanks to all who help with these matters. Your generosity will be rewarded greatly. (I promise.)

Sincerely,
Lara

Snap, Crackle, Done! The Kellog company, which made the cereals you loved as a kid (or your children currently eat now), has officially stated that they would phase out advertising its products to children under age 12 unless the foods meet specific nutrition guidelines for calories, sugar, fat, and sodium. Kellog also stated that they would discontinue the use of licensed characters or branded toys to promote their foods unless they passed those certain guidelines as well.

Has hell frozen over? Will Toucan Sam be NO MORE?!

Sadly, this is true. These voluntary changes to be made by Kellog will wipe out Rice Krispies (I KNOW! Right?! Apparently, too much sodium), Cocoa Krispies, Apple Jacks, Honey Smacks, and finally… Froot Loops. Strangely enough, the two cereals that actually make the cut are Frosted Flakes and Rice Krispies with Real Strawberries. However, the aforementioned cereals in fact DO have a chance if they undergo reformulation that does not affect the taste.

If the product cannot be reformulated, it will either be marketed towards the 12 and over crowd, or will simply not be advertised at all.

This move is voluntary, and you may wonder why Kellog would make a move like this. Apparently, the threats of a lawsuit by two advocacy groups for children against Viacom prompted Kellog to reevaluate their situation. Kellog will now include a small “nutrition at a glance” section at the top of each box highlighting the amount of calories, sugar, and more.

Hmph. I prefer my sugar-coated, alien-colored, milk-melting Froot Loops thank-you-very-much!

Source: NYTimes Thursday Edition.

I found this interesting blog today, “Europe String.” Their tag line is “Traveling Europe on a Budget.”

Europe String been running since April 2005, so there are quite a few posts. There are great tips on food, traveling, and even tips for excellent helicopter rides over Germany.

My favorite was the bit on Edinburgh to visit the Loch Ness monster… on a budget of course. If your a fan of the hype that surrounds the Loch Ness monster, then you may enjoy this website (the place at which I got the photo you see to your right of course!)

There’s a new project over at Successful Blog, and I thought I’d give it a shot. It’s a group writing project and the question is: What’s Your Blogging Metaphor?. Edit: More of a simile, actually.

Blogging has always been a hard thing to explain to the generation before us. “Web 2.0″ and “blogosphere” are things they just don’t know about. Rather than ignore this fact, I’ve come up with the perfect metaphor for blogging.

Blogging is like a county fair. You know… funnel cakes, completions, and all. Everyone gathers around - your family, your neighbors, kids, grand parents, friends. Each person brings something unique - money for amusements, pies to sell, or BBQ equipment to compete with.

All of these different attractions at a fair make up the diverse spectrum of topics in the blogosphere, or the entire “blog world.” Although food dominates at a county fair, Aunt Suzie’s pie represents a gadget review blog while Uncle Tom’s secret BBQ technique represents a fiery political blog.

Aunt Suzie proudly brings her pie to the table. She takes look at every other ladies’ pies (even though she knows hers is the best) and shares recipes, comments on the shape and style of each crust, and new ideas for next year. Think of this small congregation as a blog. Whether its a gadget or a pie, there’s constant review, commenting, and chat going on.

Now Uncle Tom… he’s a little more competitive. You see, he represents the fiery world of political blogs. Uncle Tom knows he’s got the best BBQ recipe, and he’ll fight to prove it. The men gather ’round and openly critique each others’ rigs and styles. No holds barred: review, commentary, and discussion still occur. Although none of the men want to admit it, each of them are learning new techniques, styles, and ideas during this event.

Catch the underlying theme here?

In both of these examples, discussion and feedback are the defining point. This is exactly what a blog represents. The blogosphere represents a world of discussion and commentary… just like your local county fair competitions

So after a short ride home from school my sister headed to the mailbox while I grabbed my things from the back of the car. All of a sudden: enter a loud exclamation of confusion.

My sister picks up this small package from the mailbox addressed to her (but the last name is incorrect). The return address is for Ross Laboratories in Ohio. She opens the thing up and finds a freaking can of “Suplena.” It says: “Thereutic nutrition for people with reduced kidney function.”

JUST what my sister needs. I mean, she certainly falls into the demographic of 60-80 year olds with kidney failure.

Anyways, it’s some strange milk concoction-fake-drink-thing and we have NO idea how she got it. She also received an offer for membership at AARP a few weeks ago. Is some strange 75 year old stealing her identity? And signing her up for free kidney-drink supplements?

It all reminds me of that Southpark episode when AARP attacked the town… canes and all.

You can tell this was a cheap play on Splenda.