Crunchy Mustard

Hartford House Luncheon Loaf is one of Aunt Barbara’s favorite 99 cent meals. You can store your loaf in Tupperware! Visit Aunt Barbara at www.my.tupperware.com/imauntbarbara

“And you’re thinking to yourself. What the hell am I going to serve these people?”
Maybe we should get Aunt Barbara to review some crunchy mustard!

So there you have it people. Crunchy Mustard is in fact real. It’s not supposed to be, (hence the theme of general absurdity for this blog) yet I have found it.

Hot Crunchy Mustard
Thick & crunchy wholegrain mustard, 170g

A sandy yellow coloured wholegrain mustard with a thick and crunchy is made using the finest Canadian mustard seed. The flavour is initially sweet with a hot, sharp mustard and horseradish backnote. Great with ham, beef and pork, or mix with mashed potato for a crunchy ‘mustard-mash’.

This product contains no added colourings or flavourings and is suitable for vegetarians, vegans & Coeliacs.

Serve: Simply combine with an oatcake and some Arran Dunlop for a great tasting snack.

Mmmmmm… oatcake and sandy yellow colored wholegrain mustard with “a thick and crunchy.” For all you vegans out there, here’s another seed product you can eat! (says the woman who loves steak.)

Let it be known that this is my official review of Betty Crocker’s “Warm Delights” microwavable cake.

I had the fortunate opportunity to sample “Hot Fudge Brownie.” This is just one of the seven irresistible varieties which include:

• Hot Fudge Brownie
• Molten Chocolate Cake
• Molten Caramel Cake
• Peanut Butter Fudge Brownie
• Fudgy Chocolate Chip Cookie
• Cinnamon Swirl Cake
• Lemon Swirl Cake

Now, I’m sure you’re saying, “Microwavable fudge brownie cake!? No way!” But let me assure you, making cake is now easier that cooking up some Easy-Mac. Cut open the little packet of flour mix, add one tablespoon and one teaspoon of water, microwave on high for forty-five seconds, and you’re set! Squeeze on the provided fudge icing and watch it melt. Why bother cooking anything the real way now?

It’s one thing we all love and cherish, no matter what.

White Cheddar Popcorn. It is so delicious, one cannot help but consume more. And more. I’m not a big fan of junk foods anymore. Though, I’d hardly call White Cheddar Popcorn junk. I do not buy bags of it each day. Perhaps a bag every couple of months. I dare not take more for fear of taking it for granted, thus, losing its value and appreciation.

Its taste is unlike that of anything else. Buy white cheddar from the store. Tastes almost nothing like it. There is no substitute for a substitute, especially when it is far better then what it has been substituting.

However, one thing about this delicacy bothers me. Those little flakes inside the popcorn. You know of what I speak. And it gets in your throat. Sometimes not even, it gets stuck on your tongue and there’s nothing you can do about it no matter how many fingers you shove down the back of your throat. It is so irritating. You try to gargle it out, but it hardly budges, stuck on to your tongue with a vacuum seal. Takes hours for something to finally give and its out. But wait….you have a craving for more. Nevermind the agony you were just in, it’s WHITE CHEDDAR POPCORN. Bedazzled by its smell, your mouth waters at the very thought of its taste. If this isn’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is.