Crunchy Mustard

Just read this bit off of the Fox News wesbite. He should have used the old “My dog ate my brakes. I couldn’t stop. Really.”

The chase, carried live on several local TV stations, ended with the driver pulling over and officers tackling him.

[…]

The man appeared to have blood on his head as officers led him away after the chase ended in Richardson, off busy Highway 75 just north of Dallas.

The man told reporters at the scene that his cat was dying and he was rushing to get the animal to a veterinarian. When asked why he didn’t stop, the driver said he was hoping that pursuing officers would quit following him.

The sad thing is, this guy may actually be telling the truth and assuming that its ok to run from police when your cat is sick.

Ok. I know I have a cat obsession this week… but I just have to put up a photo from I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? on here!

Apparently, the website’s name is based off an internet forum spoof and this website. But who cares? It’s funny.

I give you: Buddah Cat.

Breaking off from my last post about the death kitty, Oscar, I present to you a showcase of fantastic cat sites on the web. (An my own cute ones.)

First up: The Daily Kitten.
“The Daily Kitten publishes a new kitten picture every day at 3.07pm GMT, (10.07am EST). We hope you enjoy it.” And they really do. Like little kittens much? This site will have you “awwwing” for hours. Check out my submission from when Chikilini was a kitten.

Taking a turn towards the more hilarious, we have: Stuff on my Cat. Do you like to put stuff on your cat? So do we, show us some love and head over to our submissions page to find out how to send us a picture! … – Mario. This website is simply hilarious. There’s photos of cats with hoodies, cat’s with beers, cat’s with hats! Just check it out.

And finally, the more sinister: My Cat Hates You.
Started in 2000, we proudly present you the largest collection of sour-faced, indignant felines on the Internet. This website is equally hilarious. Check some kitties at their worst moments.

So which one would you submit your cat to?

UPDATE! I nearly forgot the fantastic I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?. This hilarious site features photos of cats and kittens in various situations with funny captions attached. You have to check it out.

I’m an avid eater of all things fruity and sweet. My mother brought up my sister and I on a wide variety of healthy fruits and vegetables, which of course we still love - especially during the summer time.

So, if anyone else out there likes to chomp down on a nice piece of watermelon like I do and is as unwieldy with a knife as I am, you’ll know it’s always a battle to cut and eat a nice slice of seedless watermelon.

That’s where the ingenious “How-to” wiki comes in. Who knew that by cutting off the top of the watermelon, standing it on end, and slicing along the dark strips on the outside of the watermelon, you’d get pieces with the seeds on the outside, making them easier to pick out?

More of a visual person? They’ve got photos too.

Next up: How to Make Caffeine Jello Shots, How to Make a Citizen’s Arrest, and How to Make Mayonnaise.

Here’s a bizarre find: a chorus line of more than 1,500 inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines performing Thriller. (However, the poster of this video on YouTube (byronfgarcia) insists this is only a practice run.)

The Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center has a fine history of fantastically large singing and dance productions showcasing their rapists, thieves, killers, and tax-evaders. Looks like someone spent quite a bit of time on this bit of choreography along with the inmates.

Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.
- George Orwell

So today is the day (well actually it was Thursday) - the time at which I move on from my slight beginnings at high school to the grand life of college in Manhattan (actually, today is just the party.)

WOOOHOOO! PARTY!

Here’s to graduates, graduations, and their parties everywhere.

Need to get rid of your iPod? Don’t recycle! Blend! (Naturally).

P.S. This is just as safe as blending up a crow bar.

Yesterday I clicked through an interesting ad declaring… “Run for President of the United States.” I said to myself, “Ok. People love me. I’ll totally win!”

The site loaded and a shabby design appeared. A small line detailed:

Welcome to U4prez.com - 06/04/2007 09:06 pm
The site that lets anyone run for president of the United States of America. To begin your campaign just register with your platform. Register by clicking here.

Each day a new runoff occurs in which two users battle against each other… to become ruler of the free world. Yesterday’s runoff was between Reflection and Ruben. Wow.

Name: Ruben Aragon
Age: 17
Location: Albuquerque, United States of America
My favorite president: John F. Kennedy
My worst president: James K. Polk
My number 1 issue: Enviorment
What I would do if president: Energy Independance
Bio: I’m pretty average in that I love video games and surfing the web. Movies are a definate interest of mine and I’m hoping to one day work on them. I enjoy building Models, listening to music(country and classic rock)

Excusing the fact that Ruben is no where near the age to win the presidency (35 years old), I think his love for video games and the internet are admirable traits. Reflection, on the other hand, is where it’s at. He’s got his stuff down:

Name: Michael Billy
Age: 19
Location: Pittsburgh, United States of America
My favorite president: Thomas Jefferson
My worst president: LBJ, FDR, Bush, Reagan… Everyone after 1880
My number 1 issue: War on Drugs
What I would do if president: Promote Liberty
Soundbite: America has strayed from the path the Founding Fathers laid before it. It is time to get back on that path. Freedom will follow. http://www.rottingnation.com

Promote Liberty. I like that. His soundbite is a gem too.

So go run for President and change the world while you’re at it. I’ll vote for you. U4Prez.com.

A Rabbi has friended me on Facebook.

After joining the Columbia network (Facebook lumped Barnard College into Columbia’s network…. those bastards, haha) I have received a slew of friend requested from my future classmates. After going through the lot, I came to a unique solicitation:

Rabbi Yonah added you as a friend on Facebook. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with Rabbi Yonah.

To confirm this friend request, follow the link below:
http://columbia.facebook.com/reqs.php

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

I am, in fact, not friends with Rabbi Yonah. I’m not even Jewish. Excusing the fact that I am a Ukrainian Christian… what is a Rabbi doing on Facebook? One look to his profile and you’ll see that he’s quite a young member of the Columbia staff and heads various Jewish groups on campus. Interesting bit of networking he’s doing here.

Can I friend the Pope?

How many times has someone come at you with a “thanks for understanding,” “no offense,” or an “I appreciate it” to add that extra passive punch to coat their direct insult? My favorite passive aggressive notes are the business kind - a place where someone must be extremely polite (especially towards a customer) but would rather rip out their insides.

The extremely witty blog “passive-aggressive notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers” showcases a fantastically superb selection of these gems. Here are a few of the best:

I spit in mine.
PLEASE STOP STEALING FOOD! (I spit in mine! Enjoy!) And I want my nice tupperware back!!!)

Go home Sally Perfect. Unless you want it to be eaten, don’t put your $30 organic Mediterranean Ahi Salad in your fancy tupperware in the office fridge.

And another good chuckle:

“That’d be great.”
Peter - I’m not too happy with your inability to provide me with some cookies. If we could fix this situation, that’d be great. Thanks, Jon.