Crunchy Mustard

Ok ladies… you’re probably the only ones with me on this one. But, how many times have you treated a stick of deodorant like it’s a piece of dynamite?

Deodorant has the power to ruin an outfit or even a night for that matter. (You know those lone white marks that seem to show up only after you’re very far away from any sort of cleaner.)

And yes, yes, there’s always that nifty trick of rubbing the same piece of fabric over the white spot of doom to make it rub off and disappear… but we know this doesn’t work on all fabrics.

So what measures do you take to prepare yourself against the dangers of deodorants? Put it on after you have your top all set? Buy the special “no white marks!” brand (we all know this is a scam.) Or my favorite: The cotton top shimmy.

In this photo we see the fantastic Russian President Vladimir Putin as he fishes in the Yenisei River in Siberia. Mr. Poopin was touring the area with Prince Albert II of Monaco.

More you say? OK!

Want to learn the work out YOU NEED for Vladimir’s hot bod? Pick up your local copy of Komsomolskaya Pravda.

Meanwhile, (in news that actually matters) I was able to get my hands on a copy of Blowing Up Russia: The Secret Plot to Bring Back KGB Terror (sadly only signed by one of the authors). My parents were fortunate enough to attend an interview with Mr. Yuri Felshtinsky. The coauthor, Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned with a hideously lethal dose of polonium-210 by the resurging “KGB” (aka the FSB) of Russian.

Understanding the total devolution Russian is undergoing is mind-numbingly hideous. They’re stepping right back into their Soviet past, and this book does an excellent job of pointing out every Russian misstep the world is missing.

From the editorial note at Amazon:

Blowing Up Russia contains the allegations of ex-spy Alexander Litvinenko against his former spymasters in Moscow which led to his being murdered in London in November 2006. In the book he and historian Yuri Felshtinsky detail how since 1999 the Russian secret service has been hatching a plot to return to the terror that was the hallmark of the KGB. Vividly written and based on Litvinenko’s 20 years of insider knowledge of Russian spy campaigns, Blowing Up Russia describes how the successor of the KGB fabricated terrorist attacks and launched a war. Writing about Litvinenko, the surviving co-author recounts how the banning of the book in Russia led to three earlier deaths.

A bit more about Litvienko and Putin:

This book is not about the murder of Alexander Litvinenko. But it is the book that got him murdered. If you imagine Russia as a nation on the mend from its communist sickness, think again. The former KGB and FSB operative (Litvienko) and his academic friend (Felshtinsky) published their book in Russia and it enraged Don Vito Putin. […] As Litvenko lay dying he wrote the following to Putin:

“You may succeed in silencing me but that silence comes at a price. You have shown yourself to be as barbaric and ruthless as your most hostile critics have claimed.

“You have shown yourself to have no respect for life, liberty or any civilized value.”

And more:

BOOM! - In late 2003 nearly 4,500 copies of this book were seized and confiscated by the Russian Secret Service (FSB) as they tried to make their way from Latvia printing presses into Moscow. And no wonder. This book focuses on how elements of the old Soviet regime sought to steer Russia away from the liberal reforms since the fall of the old USSR. The multiple apartment bombings which ripped across the country in 1999, killing hundreds, were more than suspicious. The ‘terrorists’ were condemned and the tragedies quickly used as an excuse to drag Russia into a second wretched war with Chechnya which continues to this day. The book’s spotlight on the attempted bombing in Ryazan leaves little doubt as to who the enemy really was.

Still not convinced Russia is evil? I leave you to the 2.6 million hits at Google and La Russophobe.

1. “Mom… Fluffy’s missing.”
2. “Mr. Cho, take your gloves off when you go to the bathroom!”
3. “Dad… I’ve got a piece of cardboard stuck in my teeth.”
4. Pig’s Ear Salad $5.99 (extra ear - $1.00)
5. Five flavor “chicken.”
   
6. Chinese-style fondue:
   
7. Oh… and this:
   

DON’T FORGET! Keep your fantastic figure AND your love of Chinese food.

Just read this bit off of the Fox News wesbite. He should have used the old “My dog ate my brakes. I couldn’t stop. Really.”

The chase, carried live on several local TV stations, ended with the driver pulling over and officers tackling him.

[…]

The man appeared to have blood on his head as officers led him away after the chase ended in Richardson, off busy Highway 75 just north of Dallas.

The man told reporters at the scene that his cat was dying and he was rushing to get the animal to a veterinarian. When asked why he didn’t stop, the driver said he was hoping that pursuing officers would quit following him.

The sad thing is, this guy may actually be telling the truth and assuming that its ok to run from police when your cat is sick.

Times Online has named the 50 worst celebrity baby names. (Actually, it’s entitled the 50 “craziest” baby names, but you be the judge of their quality.) I’ve picked a few of the most creative from the list.

Princess Tiamii: Jordan (pictured right) and Peter Andre - “We love it because it’s unique, plus it means something special to us. I’m going to get a tattoo on the back of my neck with a crown and ‘Princess’ underneath.”

Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf

Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin

Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon

Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy

Fuchsia: Sting and Frances Tomelty

Hopper: Sean Penn and Robin Wright

Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name)

Memphis Eve: Bono

Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten)

Ocean: Forest Whitaker (also father to Sonnet and True)

Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf

Poppy Honey: Jamie and Jules Oliver (also parents to Daisy Boo)

Rocket: Robert Rodriguez (also father to Racer, Rebel and Rogue)

Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy

Saffron Sahara: Simon and Yasmin Le Bon (also parents to Amber Rose and Tallulah Pine)

Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh)

Is the population of crazy people willing to name their kids after car parts and fruit equally distributed? Or does it take a special breed of celebrity?

In case you’re not a regular of the celebrity blogosphere: Lindsay Lohan’s “sober” butt has been busted again.

Lohan was busted for driving under the influence again this morning in Santa Monica. The police department says that she was involved in some sort of car chase with a Cadillac Escalade, while she was driving a Denali. She was first busted for driving with a suspended license. THEN she failed the booze test AND THEN (TMZ reports) cocaine was found in the pockets of her pants. Her blood alcohol level was apparently between .12 and .13, WAY WAY over the .08 legal limit.

Her bail was set at $25,000 and she was quickly released.

ALSO: Apparently the alcohol detector she was wearing was a fake (or so TMZ says.) The anklet had nothing to do with her arrest.

To top it all off, her court date for this DUI was set for this morning while the DUI she was busted for around Memorial Day is this afternoon. OH NO! Her attorney said this:

“Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care.”

Just don’t get in the car next time Lindsay… that’s just plain stupidity.

Main Source: DListed

Via Filipino Martin Aquino’s blog:

A Philippine girl has allegedly committed suicide over a fake version of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. According to blogger Martin Aquino who heard the story via a Philippine radio news report, the mother and daughter had downloaded what they believed was a legitimate copy of the latest and final Harry Potter novel.

Sadly for the girl, the book was a fake, and detailed a gruesome end to Harry Potter and each of his friends.

The girl’s mother stated that her daughter was extremely upset over this fact and locked herself in her room. When the mother finally came up to get her daughter for dinner, she found that the young girl had hanged herself in her closet with rolled bedsheets and a nightgown.

Apparently, this girl was a Harry Potter fanatic: her room was filled with figurines, models, posters, toys, dolls, and the six other books.

So far, there hasn’t been much backing up this story except one other forum post I found via Google.

I believe it! After hearing about how wild people go with ruining the final book and whatnot, I feel like some people would wrap their entire lives around it.

I received an unusual piece of spam mail today. Apparently, it is in fact possible to can an entire fully cooked chicken. Now you know.

I received this gem from The MRE Depot. Their front page displays a plea to prepare for disasters… such as earthquakes and pandemic flus. Excellent.

MRE is an acronym for “meals ready to eat” and they’re mostly used in the military. I’ve actually had one before with a “camping-lover” friend of mine. My personal favorite is the Beef Roast with Vegetables! It’s simple: Pop out the heater then activate it with a bit of water. There are even MRE condiments like Tabasco sauce.

Also, the meals good for 5-10 years after they’re manufactured by the leading US military food provider - Ameriqual Foods.

Now, onto la pièce de résistance! Butterfield Farm Whole Chicken in Water. Yummmmy! MRE Depot insists: “Excellent for Soups, Salads and Sandwiches. Quick and easy way to keep chicken on hand for your favorite recipes.”

This is a deal you can’t pass up:

Brand New in the US!!
Sold by the Can or by the case of 6 cans, 51 oz per can
Your Cost; $38.21 per case*
*With 15% Discount Coupon Below, Limited Time Offer
Regularly $42.95

If only they made Canned Whole Turkeys… I’d be set for Thanksgiving!

Does this advertisement look attractive to you? Does it make you want to wear glasses that don’t fit right? Does it make you want to throw on that pretty-average t-shirt and scream: I AM A NERD!

Well. I’m not quite sure what it says, but it does not suggest attractiveness.

American Apparel has been long known for their hideously ugly photos which tend to seem like amateur porn shoots (including bruises and stretch lines) of their models. My trouble is… where is the appeal? Sure the thought that this is shock advertising can be thrown out there.

Honestly? The initial shock that I receive only makes me click on the link and to decide to never buy the actual item.

Good work American Apparel.

Oh, and go read some “real” marketing analysis of AA here. And some more on the porn bit here:

Have you heard of American Apparel? Spreading fast, it is, opening multiple open-aired clean-cut brand-free stores across the nation and across five countries and they are, apparently, a big hit with hot urban chicks and lesbians and DJs and club kids and sporty types and grungy ’70s-inspired dudes who like to wear floppy hair and multiple layers of really simple clothing covered by nicely made hoodies of various primary colors, all without actually thinking they’re attaching themselves to a brand or a logo or a “look,” even though, of course, they very much are.

American Apparel. It was founded and is run by a talented and sexually nutty and increasingly notorious, mutton-chopped, ’70s-happy 36-year-old dude named Dov Charney, one of the more unique and controversial and libidinously open CEOs in all of corporate America, unafraid and unabashed and just a little greasy (click here to see a video interview with Charney, via Lou Dobbs).

And Dov, well, he happily indulges in consensual sexual relationships with members of his staff, and he uses tons of raunchy language in the workplace and posts old shots from Penthouse magazine up in his stores to complement the racy retro hipster club-kid design aesthetic, all despite a slew of sexual-harassment lawsuits now winging his way, fast.

Charney takes many of the company’s beautifully racy ad photos himself. He encourages a sexually open workplace atmosphere. He works not at all to hide his predilections, and most people claim he has never done anything that hasn’t been fully consensual, out in the open.

It still doesn’t make me want to buy the shirt (or glasses?) It just makes me feel dirty.

Snap, Crackle, Done! The Kellog company, which made the cereals you loved as a kid (or your children currently eat now), has officially stated that they would phase out advertising its products to children under age 12 unless the foods meet specific nutrition guidelines for calories, sugar, fat, and sodium. Kellog also stated that they would discontinue the use of licensed characters or branded toys to promote their foods unless they passed those certain guidelines as well.

Has hell frozen over? Will Toucan Sam be NO MORE?!

Sadly, this is true. These voluntary changes to be made by Kellog will wipe out Rice Krispies (I KNOW! Right?! Apparently, too much sodium), Cocoa Krispies, Apple Jacks, Honey Smacks, and finally… Froot Loops. Strangely enough, the two cereals that actually make the cut are Frosted Flakes and Rice Krispies with Real Strawberries. However, the aforementioned cereals in fact DO have a chance if they undergo reformulation that does not affect the taste.

If the product cannot be reformulated, it will either be marketed towards the 12 and over crowd, or will simply not be advertised at all.

This move is voluntary, and you may wonder why Kellog would make a move like this. Apparently, the threats of a lawsuit by two advocacy groups for children against Viacom prompted Kellog to reevaluate their situation. Kellog will now include a small “nutrition at a glance” section at the top of each box highlighting the amount of calories, sugar, and more.

Hmph. I prefer my sugar-coated, alien-colored, milk-melting Froot Loops thank-you-very-much!

Source: NYTimes Thursday Edition.