Crunchy Mustard

As promised, I’m back again for, yet, another blog.

As I was traveling home from work, a few days ago, by means of the subway (metro), I noticed something peculiar. Or, rather someone. It was a leprechaun. I couldn’t believe me eyes. I thought to myself, this is rediculous…leprechauns don’t exist.I could hear my train leaving the station, so I pursued my mysterious friend.

He must have noticed me. After a while, he had stopped. Turned around. Looked right at me. I nearly lost control of all bodily functions. “What??” he asked. I replied, “You’re a leperchaun.” I had just heard another train come and go. There was no way I was going to pass this up.

- Excuse me?
- A leprechaun. You’re a leprechaun.
- Yes I am, or has it ever occured to you that I may be vertically challenged?
Piss off.
- I don’t think so…you’re not going to fool me that easily.
I know about you and your mischievous ways.
- Fine. You win, son. I’m a leprechaun. Are you happy now?
- I knew you were a leprechaun the whole time. I’m just
curious as to what you’re doing here.
- Well if you must know, it’s really not of your business.
Now please stop harassing me or I shall call the police.
- Oh really? Because I’m sure you’re here legally.
I’m just curious as to what you’re doing here, in the subway of all places.
- Good heavens, the misses and I, you see, we’ve been having a bit o’ trouble.
Me cousin had suggested we take a break. Go on vacation separately, you know?
We agreed. And so I went on a vacation. I was on a small secluded beach on the far ends
of the earth, Where the sun never sets and rainbows are oh so common. Me wife and I agreed to go our ways for two weeks. After a week in this paradise, I got so sick of not seeing her I had to return. With a snap of me fingers and the click of me heels i was back in my home. Ah the smell of the grass and the singing of the birds, like no other place on earth. Anyways, I walk into the house in search of some food. So I head to the kitchen and what do i see? Me wife with my cousin. Me own cousin, I couldn’t believe it. I was furious. Never have I felt such anger. So angry, I was, I cursed me cousin in a such way, I won’t even begin to describe. So I packed me bags and I came to New York.
- Why New York?
- I’ve always wanted to see the Big Apple, besides do you know how large the leprechaun community, here, is?
-What?
- Oh you best believe it, boy. Also I’ve always wanted to be an actor. You know, on the stage. Broadway. Big lights, opening nights, cast parties and shakespeare…oh he was a fine fellow, young William.
-Holy *!&@$^, you knew Willia..
Hey! give me back my metrocard!
-Hee Hee, Hee, you can’t catch me.

Before got in another word, the little runt sprinted away. Fast little man. But I was faster. Or so I thought. I was running just behind him. Ready to grab him by the neck. BAM!
I ran into the wall. He ran right through it and into the poster! I knew I couldn’t trust him.
Bloody Leprechaun. Angry, Puzzled, Embarrassed. I picked myself up and headed home. There was, after all, nothing I could do. Later on, I realized that it was me. I was the leprechaun. I was the mischievous creature whom I had chased after. I was chasing myself. I had deceived myself without even realizing it.

Note: I realize it’s been some time since I blogged last. You can say I’ve been on a sort of Hiatus. Rest assure, I am back.

So, my day began just like any other day. I woke up at 6 a.m. when it is still dark outside. I went to school and suffered through my classes. That’s not to say they are in anyway boring or torturous, it’s just that sleep does not come so easily these days.
As I finished up my last class and am just about to exit the building, I see a sign: Save a Life! Blood Drive in the Lobby. “This has to be a sign,” I said to myself. And indeed it was. I often think about what it would be like to save a person’s life. To be a hero. Fame and Glory. Like the mighty Achilles, or perhaps Diomedes. I signed up.
And so it began. I waited. And Waited. My heart beating twice if not three times its normal rate. “Next please.” I heard. This was it. The first phase. I had to get my blood screened. …It was good. Infact, it was better than good. “Very nice blood, very good iron. Lots of good iron,” the woman said.
Phase one complete. Now Phase two.
They looked at my arms. They chose my left arm and remarked at how nice it was. I was lying in the chair. Waiting. Finally, someone came over. Sterilized the area and inserted the needle. Ouch. It hurt. But i made it through. Pain was brief and I did not feel the need to look away. In fact, I watch the whole time as the blood ran from my arm into the bag. I was fascinated by the whole experience.
A few minutes later, I was done. I had filled the whole bag and several tubes. I did not feel dizzy or lightheaded. And I did not care to stay around too long. However as I was leaving I stopped by the snack table to replenish myself and helped myself to a little extra. I haven’t eaten all day. No breakfast and it was close to 4 pm. After all, I did just save a life. What better reward for a hero than a couple extra Quaker Oatmeal Chewie Bars and some Cheeze-its along with an extra carton of Wild Fruit Punch.

Yea. I didn’t think so.

Oh, woe is me for the poor soul who sets up a bank account for this e-mail scam.

Mr. Thomas George.
Linkage Management Solutions, U.K

Hello

I am Mr. Thomas George, the Auditor General, Linkage Management Solutions Limited UK . In the course of my auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account which was opened in 1990 belonging to a dead foreigner Late Mr.Robert ,who died in 1999. Every effort made to track any member of his family or next of kin has since failed;hence I got in contact with you to stand as his next of kin since you bear the same last name. He died leaving no heir or a will. My intention is to transfer this sum of $15.5M in the aforementioned account to a safe account overseas. I am therefore proposing that you quietly partner with me and provide an account or set up a new one that will serve the purpose of receiving this fund. For your assistance in this venture, I am ready to part with 30% of the entire funds to you. After going through the deceased person’s records and files, I discovered that:
(1) No one has operated this account since 1999
(2) He died without an heir; hence the money has been floating.
(3) No other person knows about this account and there was no known beneficiary.

If I do not remit this money urgently, it would be forfeited and subsequently converted to company’s funds which will benefit only the directors of my firm. This money can be approved to you legally as with all the necessary documentary approvals in your name. However, you would be required to show some proof of claim which I will provide you with and also guide you on how to make your applications.

Please do give me a reply so that I can send you detailed information on the modalities of my proposition. I completely trust you to keep this proposition absolutely confidential. Kindly forward your telephone and fax numbers where I can reach you easily. I look forward to your prompt response.
Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas George

Today.
International.
Token.
Secrets.

Words we constantly in the media. Words that affect us. Words that drive us.
But what do they mean? Have they meaning?
One could argue that they are only words. One could also argue without language what do we have? What sets us apart.

Bravery
Opportunity
Orchestral
Belligerent
Intimacy
Elliptical
Satisfactory

Words we use. Words we hear. Ever so often without a care.

Tangent
Hierarchy
Ignorance
Global
Healing
Secular

Words convey thoughts. Ideas.
There are words for feelings.
There are feelings no words can describe.
Where have we all become?
Who are we to be?

Neolithic
Illusionary
Philharmonic
Peripheral
Legal
Excel
Security

What are we all fighting for?
Why do fight?
What ends could possibly justify our means?
Salvation! Salvation!
Do we deserve it,
Or do we frolic in the rain?

Graduating from the Conservatoire, I decided to stay in Paris a little while longer. I thought I’d learn the music of the streets from the people who write music from the heart. Nearly broke and out of inspiration, I wandered the streets looking for some - inspiration.

I ran into one of the loveliest women in all of Europe. Literally. Knocking all of her belongings to the ground, I was never so embarrassed before. I helped her gather her things. When we stood up she yelled at me and I didn’t understand a word of what she was yelling. But I didn’t care, I was infatuated with her. She got into her cab and that was the last we saw of each other. Our brief but passionate romance had come to an end.

Later that evening, I found myself alone, again, on the balcony outside my apartment window. A gorgeous New Moon and the stars couldn’t have been brighter. With each puff of my cigarette, I created rings of smoke encompassing the moon and the stars. “If only life was like that…” I recall thinking to myself. But the fact of the matter is, life isn’t always that ring in the sky. Sometimes you just have to settle for Cracker Jacks.

After a month of judicial indiscretion, I’ve managed to compose most of my piece. However I was still lacking that climactic moment. Beginning, middle and end I had. Just that one moment I was lacking. I decided to return to the Conservatoire and visit the brilliant woman under whom i studied. I arrived there only to learn that she had passed away the previous night. Listening to her records, you’d never have guess she had a weak heart, but such is life, the French say.

After three more weeks in Paris, I decided it was time for me to leave. I’ve grown so accustomed to my lifestyle there, I hated myself for even considering leaving. Nonetheless, I was on the next ship to Berlin. It was in a small farm just outside Berlin that I found my inspiration and finished my piece. As I sat under a tree in the marley fields, music began to pour out me from every opening. I bled music. I got a job working in the marley fields to really get the feel of what it was like. I don’t know how those old ladies did it on a daily basis, but after a day’s work I was ready to die, skipping supper.

When my Visa expired, I knew I had better return home as soon as possible. My experience in europe had taught me so much and I do hope to return there someday. I’ve made a great a deal of friends and family there. It would be a shame not to.

You should all know that I am a WordPress junkie. I even have a t-shirt. But that’s besides the point. What I do love is manipulating this platform to do ANYTHING. And I sure mean anything. From an online, dynamic archive of scanned-to-text books to websites for an amazing writer of our time… I’d said I’ve got a few WordPress notches on my belt

So, to fill my craving today (besides spending nearly four hours on a client’s project creating loan applications) I decided to install a few plugins I found on a few websites:

One you won’t notice (but may still affect you) is a special “do-follow” plugin. This means that instead of ignoring commenter’s links (in an attempt to prevent spam) this plugin will let web crawlers (like those for Google) follow to your website. Basically - it means you’ll push yourself up in the rankings if you add a comment! Woah! Check that one out here.

Another plugin I threw in for the commenters I am so-ever greatful for is the lovely “Top Commenters of the Month!” (aka the greatest commenters in the world, as you’ll see on the sidebar.) This one is especially fun as it resets every month to give everyone a chance. What’s the incentive? Perhaps I’ll throw in a cash prize or contest later on Of course - no spam please!

So there you have it folks! Comment, and ye shall be rewarded.

In case you were unaware… Crunchy Mustard is home to a few fishermen. “Oh?” you say in disbelief? Say no more!

From the Star-Ledger:

TOP CATCHES
Capt. Art Hilliard ran his first trip of the season with the Eagle, and tried clamming down the beach on Saturday. The Moye Equipment Co. party had a good pick of stripers, including a couple of keepers plus a 16-inch flounder on a bass rig. When that slowed, Hilliard tried a few spots on Flynn’s Knoll, where more shorts and another keeper were hooked. Ryan Ciocca of Philadelphia took the pool with a 31-inch striper.

Just to clarify, I caught the flounder. THAT’S RIGHT! ON A BASS RIG! Holy smokes. Christian caught a keeper, while Ryan clearly won the prize. This is what he had to say:

Ryan (12:20:48 AM): I am the best fisherman in all of the world
Lara (12:21:31 AM): yup
Lara (12:22:08 AM): you caught the biggest one all day
Lara (12:22:17 AM): out of all the boats that reported
Ryan (12:23:35 AM): ergo, why i am the master fisherman
Lara (12:23:40 AM): right

Ahoy Matey!

It’s one thing we all love and cherish, no matter what.

White Cheddar Popcorn. It is so delicious, one cannot help but consume more. And more. I’m not a big fan of junk foods anymore. Though, I’d hardly call White Cheddar Popcorn junk. I do not buy bags of it each day. Perhaps a bag every couple of months. I dare not take more for fear of taking it for granted, thus, losing its value and appreciation.

Its taste is unlike that of anything else. Buy white cheddar from the store. Tastes almost nothing like it. There is no substitute for a substitute, especially when it is far better then what it has been substituting.

However, one thing about this delicacy bothers me. Those little flakes inside the popcorn. You know of what I speak. And it gets in your throat. Sometimes not even, it gets stuck on your tongue and there’s nothing you can do about it no matter how many fingers you shove down the back of your throat. It is so irritating. You try to gargle it out, but it hardly budges, stuck on to your tongue with a vacuum seal. Takes hours for something to finally give and its out. But wait….you have a craving for more. Nevermind the agony you were just in, it’s WHITE CHEDDAR POPCORN. Bedazzled by its smell, your mouth waters at the very thought of its taste. If this isn’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is.